Game of God

Have you ever wonder if life is a game that God created and you are just a small part of this game where God are controlling? Sometimes when He is too busy with something else, he forgets about you and left you wandering around in the game all alone, bringing trouble into your life and making it worst. Maybe when your life is so screwed up, God will get tired and just delete your character from this game and proceed with other people?

I wonder if God has forgotten me, or if He is just testing my patience level, trying to make me stronger, by trying to kill me first. Maybe that’s why they said what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Maybe God created it so he can see if you are worthy to continue be in this game of His.

I guess He didn’t have enough time for everyone on earth, or in this context - His game. So maybe He would pick and choose, to choose the eligible person, those who qualify for his full attention, and those who doesn’t match up to his expectation, will be left behind. I know by saying all this, I made Him sound so mean but I’m sure He isn’t at all mean, He just have to teach us that life is cruel as it is. I’m certain that He would still keep an eye on the rest, only lesser attention given to them compared to the “chosen ones”.

I am always a sucker for games like Sims, but now, I feel myself getting sick of such games. Because every time it made me think if we are also in the same situation from God’s point of view and if God is watching my every move and controlling if I should go do this or that, or if he have left his game for lunch and left me here screwing up my life.

I know some people, like me myself, are useless enough to only ask for God when we need help, when our life is in a mess and does not know how to resolve them. People like me are absolutely not worth of God’s attention, in anyway possible. Yet we still begged and cried kneeling before our beds and wished he would forgive us and begged that he would now give attention to us.

He is forgiving, I know. But this time, I just want him to delete me off this game. I don’t think I can or want to play any longer. No. I don't want this.

and I bought your favorite ice cream...

Sorry for the unannounced short hiatus, as usual, but I guess these sort of thing will come more often as I am so caught up with work and stuff. Too many things have been going on and I really don’t have the time to sit down in front of my darling laptop and write, well, I rather spend the time catching up with my sleep. Seriously, oh by the way I have a strong hunch about this post being a post that is cramp with everything so if you find this post a tad too messy, don’t say I didn’t warn you. LOL.

You know how we always say time flies? It actually does, I mean look at it this way, I’m turning 21 in a month time and yet it felt like yesterday where I just graduate from primary school (yea there’s a picture of my standard 6 face on FB and made me go OMG). Well, to be more realistic, can you imagine I’m already working for almost 5 months now? Wasn’t it just a few posts away where I posted my first day at work? Hmmm… However, I’m still not getting bored of that view of Sunway Lagoon every time I walked toward Pyramid or that wonderful smell of food from Atrium when I’m walking to Pyramid. I find it spectacular, that one man’s vision can turn a mining place to such wonderland we are looking at today. Which brings me to what I’m trying to say, the future; don’t you think it’s scary that we’ll never know what is there for us? Me being me, I over think a lot and the feeling of being there in the future scares me. I mean, what if I can never earn enough money to support myself and fulfill my dreams or I can’t even afford a house and stuff? What if I never have that vision of what I want to do, and I get stuck here?

The future is so scary, I vaguely remember I wanted to get married when I reach the age of 25 (ok every girl has an ideal age ok I don’t want to get a baby when I’m like 40 ok)and I’m already going 21. Yet I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for it, marriage, I mean. Who will? Will we ever find the right person? You can be with someone now and that person don’t share the same view as you, making you think twice of ever being together forever with this person, or you are with someone younger and all they wanted to do is to have fun, or you are never comfortable enough with this person you are with to marry them, or even, you might have met this person but they are already taken, or attached, or maybe you’re with the perfect person but you needed to leave and commitment is not your thing now. How scary, you can meet the right person the wrong time and everything is screwed. I’m so afraid of this, so afraid of commitments and the thought of being with one person forever and trying to figure out if they are really the one for me. Wow. Tough.

Ok, I have a secret to share and after today it won’t be a secret anymore but it’s so scary I need to tell the whole world. I have the weirdest craving for babies. Oh no, I don’t want to eat them but I’d like to have one. Weird? I know. It’s so weird that every time I look at a baby I feel that feeling of ever having one and stuff, and I would imagine how she would look like. Funny but strange because I cannot afford to ever have a child at this age, I mean, look at the future I will be throwing away. Oh well, I guess it’s a girl thing that we all have that motherly thing in us, maybe? But seriously, I’d like to have a baby but can it just stay a baby and not grow up? Haha. Kids are evil, just look at my fat brother. Urgh. So if you have a daughter I don’t mind being her god mother haha. I’d spoilt her to the max, I know. =p Btw, one of the only things that amuse me is a cute baby, or a puppy. Such weird combo but it’s true. I easily gets distracted by these two things. The other day I went to makan and there was this couple with a seriously adorable puppy and it was seating right in front of me but outside the window… I was practically staring at it all the time! The only time I’d look away is when a kid came through the door, haha. See what I mean?

By the way, have you felt that you’re asking too much out of life and just wonder if you are too greedy? I secretly do. Alright not so secret now but I still wanted more from whatever I’m having now. Greedy Shing. Smack head. Talking about heads, I have this same song that's been playing in my head for three days now and it's not going away. It's a song called "ice cream" and it gives that really soothing feeling that makes you want to go to sleep. But three days?! The same song?! Well, I'm not complaining. :)

Someone borrowed my shoulder to cry on just now, and somehow she managed to made me feel sad too. Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an emo person. Oh well, too bad I am. Guess that's what made Shing awesome (as usual).

Oh, right, see what I told you bout the hunch. Messy, eh?

*winks*

A B C D E F G

My heard bleeds, my mind plea
It felt like my brain is full with bees.
I can’t tell, if this is greed,
But damn it, I just want to be free.
Oh seriously.

Fuss Free Relationship

Yes, fuss-free relationship is something that I personally think that is getting popular nowadays. I came up with the term fuss-free relationship but it actually meant relationships that have no strings. Like, no commitment. You enjoy this person’s company, you date and hang out with this person, to a certain extend you sleep with this person, but he or she is not your bf or gf. It’s a very selfish relationship but to some, this is a better way of life. Because you can basically enjoy everything in a relationship, minus all those commitments you gotta make, and the stress you face when your gf or bf questions you where have you been or what have you been doing.

Some came to me and asked me about this, whether this sort of relationship is worth going after. Well, because I’m such a love guru to my friends and have given a lot of advices to them, I guess I gotta have my say on this as well.

Honestly, I think its fun, to have a relationship without commitment, where you can be with the person you really like, yet you don’t have to go through all the hassles and problems people in the relationship faced. You can have this person here, and the same time go out with 10 different other girls, and she will not say anything because she is not your girlfriend. You can go out party all night and take loads of pictures with other guys and he can’t do a thing because, well, he is not your boyfriend, either.

Sounds fun? Yes and no. I believe the start of this relationship is fun but it will get complicated when it’s time. Why? Because humans are humans, we have feelings and it grows. Scary but true. One of them will start to feel jealous that the other person hung out with other girls, but she won’t be able to say anything, so as a normal girl would do, she hung out even more with other guys, and that leads to arguments and etc. Or they both kept things inside and one day things just became different and things are not as fun anymore. It’s not easy to find someone that can accept the person they like to be with someone else, that’s human. We are all selfish people so we hardly share, especially when it comes to something as intangible as feelings. So yes, I think this sort of relationship is hard to sustain, fun but hard to maintain.

Of course there can be an exception, it is either the both of the couple only wants to have fun and no feelings are involved in this situation, or one of the two has got to sacrifice. For example he or she has got to understand that things are mutual and even though it is not pleasing to the eye or heart, they’ve got to accept it as the way it is.

Complicating? Indeed.